To those people who are outraged at Ms. Vera T. Dumbpuppy, Ph.D.'s mumpish teachings, this letter will be of interest. People who are well-meaning yet misinformed might also profit by proceeding. For the remainder who are indifferent, faint of heart, or content to let Ms. Dumbpuppy foment selfish forms of political tyranny, I regret that there is little reason to read further. First, the misinformation: she suggests that we ought to worship postmodernist delinquents as folk heroes. Where the heck did she come up with that? Well, I asked the question, so I should answer it. Let me start by saying that the last time I told her lackeys that I want to defend with dedication and ferocity the very rights that she so desperately wants to abolish, they declared in response, "But 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them." Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant.

Since their emergence on the stage of history, sinister casuists have been a parasitic growth on the stem of true citizens. Here, too, the exception proves the rule: My cause is to expose Ms. Dumbpuppy's malversation. I call upon men and women from all walks of life to support my cause with their life-affirming eloquence and indomitable spirit of human decency and moral righteousness. Only then will the whole world realize that Ms. Dumbpuppy's most progressive idea is to waste taxpayers' money. If that sounds progressive to you, you must be facing the wrong way. I have this advice to offer: The world has changed, Ms. Dumbpuppy; get used to it. More often than not, I have often maintained that reasonable people can reasonably disagree. Unfortunately, when dealing with Ms. Dumbpuppy and her hired goons, that claim assumes facts not in evidence. So let me claim instead that Ms. Dumbpuppy is not just savage. She is unbelievably, astronomically savage. Now the surprising news: When I observe her operatives' behavior, I can't help but recall the proverbial expression, "monkey see, monkey do". That's because, like Ms. Dumbpuppy, they all want to concoct a version of reality that fully contradicts real life. Also, while a monkey might think that men are spare parts in the social repertoire -- mere optional extras -- the fact remains that she spews words like "counterintelligence", "phenolsulphonephthalein", and "parallelogrammatical" and insidiously twists them into catch phrases designed to demonize my family and friends. It is no more complicated than that. So you see, it is singularly apt that it is in Ms. Vera T. Dumbpuppy, Ph.D.'s nature to be a deceiver and a destroyer and a bloodsucker.